Tornado Drill

Old Teacher/New Building

 

*I moved to the alternative school this year and we are in a building off the traditional high school campus. In accordance with state law- we had a tornado drill. Now in the event of an actual tornado or warning, the transportation department would send a bus to come pick us up and take us to an empty elementary school down the block where we can get underground. However, drilling that way seems like a waste of time—so we practiced in our small building. A tornado hiding spot is in a classroom. It came time to drill and the principal called and told us to “get ready and go.” We did. I said, “Stop what you are doing and in an orderly fashion, make your way to the classroom.” They all got up and headed that way. As they are filing into the classroom I notice that the light isn’t on… they are sitting in the dark. I say, “You can turn the light on! You don’t have to sit in the dark!” One student replies to the other teacher, “I don’t want the tornado to see us…..”      I’m still chuckling!!!!

Your fun?

I was explaining to my class this morning that I realize they are mentally checked out of school this week. I was saying, "I have a fun project to work on..."- when  I was interrupted by a kid on the front row. He says, "Your idea of fun or mine?"

I couldn't answer!

Paragraphs

Why paragraphs are gay
               Paragraphs are gay because they are too long and boring. A paragraph waste are time. Even if it is a cool subject people still think it's gay. But kids do it anyways because the teacher said so. Nothing against you Ms. C we are just sayin.            Jan. 2008      

Family Traditions Essay

Family traditions well my family doesn't really have a holiday tradition. But we do have this "Frank, Evan Thanksgiving's over put up the Christmas lights." That's my grandma AKA 'The Boss'. Every year the day after Thanksgiving she makes us put up Christmas lights while she watches Oprah. I think Oprah is a brain washing grandmas to boss their families around. That and my garndma is a walking Dr. Phil. Our house has to look good because grandma makes sure of that. She says pick up this pick up that while she sips her tea and talks on the phone to her friend. Christmas eve we generally watch a Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase the best Christmas movie ever. Then I generally stay up late and wait for 'santa'. When the reindeers feet leave my roof and santas climbing out my chimney yelling for them to come back I give him some more cookies and egg nog. While I play jingle bells on the piano and he gets a little woozy from the egg nog. His reindeer land on my roof and he rides off into the moonlight cursing at his reindeer for going and eating reindeer food some little kid threw out on their roof. Because the reindeer had the munchies they said. So as santa leaves slightly delayed I kick off my slippers, sit down, fall asleep. As I wake up in the morning I sit down at my tree and open presents. I only got two and then one was a Sony Cyber Shot 349-400 dollars and the apple I phone I am the happies boy alive.

Topic of Choice

I was reading through old journal entries from my kids and ran into this one.
Topic of Choice
Today is October 30th and it's the day before Halloween and Ms. C is very angry for some reason I think Jessy will be the first to go just my prediction.

I went.........

We are sitting in class and the kids are working on their library book projects. My little talker is sitting in a desk right next to me when he notices my conch shell from the Bahamas. He picks it up and puts it to his ear and says, "Wow, I can hear the ocean!" I told him I brought it back from the Bahamas. He says, "I went to Long Beach where the ships come in." Another student chimes in and says, "I've been on a cruise to the Bahamas!" Another kid from across the room chimes in with, "I went swimming at the Paladin apartment pool!" I don't think i've laughed that hard in a long time!

Last day of school!

Student struts into class 25 minutes late.  “I need a test.”

I hand the student the test. “Uuh, do I write on it?

“No, write on a separate sheet.”

          “Uuh, do you have some paper?”

I hand the student a piece of paper.

          Student turns to walk to the desk, only to turn back around and ask, “Uuh, do you got a pencil or sumthin’?”

Student goes to desk and starts drawing a picture on the paper. Priceless!  thanks for the submission Linda~

shoulder injury

* So I have this kid in class...... He was injured this fall during wrestling season and hurt his shoulder. He came to class for two or three weeks with his arm in a sling. When I noticed that the sling had been on a while I asked him what the doctor's diagnosis was. He said that he was waiting on an MRI to know for sure. I asked what they were doing for him in the meantime. He said that they had given him a few shots. I asked what kind of shot. I fully expected him so say something like a pain reliever or cortizone or something like that. That is NOT what he said. He said they gave him a shot of Midol. I did NOT laugh like I wanted to. I simply asked if he was sure. He assured me he was correct. I told him I was fairly certain that they had not given him a shot of Midol, could it be something else. He thought for a minute and started chuckling. He said, "Ha, that's not right. They gave me a shot of Armour All!" This time I did burst out laughing. I said I was POSITIVE that he did not get a shot of Armour All. I told him to go home and find out what Midol and Armour All are and then he would see why that was funny. The next Monday he came to class bearing the only Christmas present I have received as a teacher. His mom had made the BEST homemade salsa but there was a second bag..... inside I found a box of Midol and a bottle of Armour All !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

apology

I was just handed a letter of apology from an unruly student. I visited with her dad last night about her attitude over the last few months. He was ‘awarded’ custody recently as mom was not doing a good job.

She handed me this letter as a kind gesture. I assumed it was ………………….. until………………….I opened it and read it.

I noticed something above each word. Upon further investigation…. I realized that they were numbers that had been erased. Apparently dad gave her a word limit.. such as 100 word apology, so she counted her words to ensure the appropriate length…………….Nothing like a back-handed compliment. Guess it’s better than nothing.

name of a group

*I am grading parts of speech tests. The question states: collective nouns- name of a group of people. I was hoping for crowd, class, club, gang, crew…. Answer submitted: Beatles

temperature tooken

*Today is a red letter day for me.

I just had a kid tell me he wasn’t feeling well, could he go get his temperature tooken. I told him to sit down until he could figure out what was wrong with that and come ask again.

He decided took was correct.

Sigh.

order

*I assigned the students to turn in their homework packets to me stapled in order that is listed on the cover sheet I provided. One student asked me , “When you say stapled in order that they are listed on the sheet, do you mean the one that is listed first goes on top?”

my awesomeness

*I have a student wearing a t-shirt with giant headphones on it. Between the earphones reads, “I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”

cough drops

*I have this kid right now in class. He came up to me before the bell rang starting class and told me he thought he had the flu this weekend, he was coughing a lot- but that he has cough drops.   I said ok and sat him down. He then came up to ask me how many cough drops were too many? And is it okay to take them right after another. I said I didn’t think that was a good idea- only take them when needed. He assured me that he needed them all the time. He then asked what would happen if he took too many? I told him I thought he would get a stomach ache for taking medicine on an empty stomach. I then told him to sit down. He came up for the third time and mentioned that he looked at his hand and thought it looked a little white, what did I think. I told him he looked normal and to sit down.  Sigh.

family traditions

*I gave my students a writing assignment asking them to tell me about themselves and their heritage. I was hoping to get to know my students and find out who they are and where they come from. I went on to explain that if they were to have a foreign exchange student come live with them, what would they need to know to fit into your household and family. What unwritten rules do you have? What makes you different than me? I read an article stating that if minority students could write about themselves they would have a higher gpa and would participate more in classes where they felt valued. Here are a few answers I received: I am Hispanic and I eat tacos; Rule number seven: when it is Thanksgiving always offer to help cook- do not offer the house to host it though; I am different than you because I am a young guy and your a old chick.   Sigh.

What Christmas means to me

* Here is what a  teacher received when she assigned “What does Christmas mean to you.”

Charismas is a Christianity holiday. This holiday is a day where we celebrate the birth of our saver Jesus crises. We cut down cheater tree and pout in our living room. Then we pout light and odder mends on the tree a lot of people pout light on their homes to. So that people can drive around and look at them. the charismas colors are use red and green but the light can also be blue, white, and yellow. Charismas is really all about giving on charismas day. To me it is not about resaving gift. To me charisma is about giving to the people how rely needs. Ho don’t have anything at that is what charismas is all about to me.

In other words…

Christmas is a Christian holiday. This holiday is a day where we celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. We cut down cedar trees and put them in our living rooms. Then we put lights and ornaments on the tree. A lot of people put lights on their homes, too, so that people can drive around and look at them.  The Christmas colors are red and green, but the lights can also be blue, white, and yellow.  Christmas is really all about giving on Christmas Day. To me it is not about receiving gifts. To me Christmas is about giving to people who really need, who don’t have anything; that’s what Christmas is all about to me.

anesthesia on the side

*On the first day of school a student walked up to me and said, “Is this the only job you have?” I replied “Yes.” He says, “Huh, you look just like the nurse that gave me anesthesia this summer.”

excuses

* A student was behind on some work and the teacher asked him if he would like to stay after school to complete it.  The student replied, “I can’t.  I have to go home and give my diabetic dog some syrup.” 

I’ve heard lots of excuses, but that one was good.

burn

*I had assigned the students to write the story of their lives.  One of the prompts was to explain the story behind one of your scars.  One girl was talking to herself out loud and I heard her ask “I wonder if burning your tit on a light bulb counts?”  I looked up from my computer and just stared with my mouth open.  There are no words.

Nouns

* The question on the final read “You is a noun, true or false.”

One student comes up and asks me this question, “I know I should know this.  A,E,I,O,U,  I got that, but I’m not sure about this particular you.”

I simply told him me should just guess.

preschool

*One preschool teacher was telling us about some of her students’ cute sayings.   A teacher was tying her children’s shoes and one student commented, “My mom hates it when you double knot my shoes.”

journal 2

Entry 2 from ISD

Skipping isd

Its so fun u don’t have to listen to a mean tech or sit in the same chare all day.  Its boring but u can go anywhere when u skip like walmart or an ibandon house but wach out 4 cops they well bust u.  and that’s not fun cuz they question u and they yell at u its kinda like being in isd and if u skipit u don’t wanna  be back in, no one wants that cuz if u go back ull get griped out and told that u got to stay 30 mins after bell.  But I cant becuz I take the bus, and I wont have a ride home cuz my ant and uncle r there and they came from japan.  There only here tell the 25. and I want all the time I canget with them.

Law and Order

*I have a student in class that was called down to the police station for questioning regarding a past teacher/student relationship.  The boy was very nervous and concerned they would think he had something to do with it.  He says to me “I’m nervous about going to the station, what are they going to say to me?”  I assured him that they only wanted to ask him questions about his teacher from last year and are only collecting information that they may need.   He replied, “My dad is a cop so he is going with me.”   Later that week, the boy came in and told me that the questioning had gone very well and that they were indeed very nice.  He said that he thought he embarrassed his dad during the interview.  I asked him how he could possibly have embarrassed his officer father and the boy replied, “They kept asking me these questions, and they asked the same questions over and over to try to confuse me.  I looked at them and told them, you can’t confuse me, I watch Law and Order!” 

journal

I have typed this journal entry as it appears on paper.

Todays isd is loud there r computer guys trying to fix the computers cuz there system is jacked up.  So there on there phones calling there boss asking 4 in4mation.  And there is a tech.  in here helping a student.  And kids r macking mrs.h in a lot of pain wither hart problems and all.  I feel realy bad 4 her I mean she can quit if she wants to she has a bisnis degree.  Shes realy nice to.  If shes not in pain.  She is awesome.  I just got back from the computer tech. room finishing some cechup work.  Im far behind.  But im caching up, so I don’t fail I cant fail  its bad.  I don’t wanna be held back.  My sis was and shes regretting it now.  I find it funy.

Cobbler

*The students were writing a journal entry about blacksmiths, cobblers, and such from the olden days.  One student asked if a cobbler was a pie I said “Yes, but in this time period it is a person who makes”…. And she interrupted me to say “Pies!” 

Just say no

*I just had a student turn in her thesis and outline for the Problem/Solution essay.  Her first solution to child abuse read "just say no and if that doesn't work use self-defense"!

Nine?

* I was giving a spelling test and the word was ‘eighth.’  A student blurts out, “I thought we were on number nine?”

Copy machine

*During my first year of teaching I was particularly technologically retarded. I had been trying to learn all the new machines in my building and was a little overwhelmed.  I began the year by making front side copies only, as I did not know how to feed the paper correctly into the Gestetner (super fast copy machine).  One morning another teacher took the time to teach the newbie.  I proudly returned to the class to hand out the papers, proud of what I had accomplished.  As I am handing out the papers, one student chimes in saying, “Ms. C you learned how to work the copy machine. Way to go!”  I respond, “What do you mean?” The student replies, “Well, you made a double-sided copy, that’s an improvement.”

Scantron

*It came time for final exams. I was very concerned about having to write a test. I was worried that the test would either be too easy or too difficult.  I was afraid it would not accurately show what the students’ had learned over the course of my teaching.  I labored for several hours and came up with the perfect test. To make life simpler, I decided to use a Scantron, so as not to spend so much time grading.  When the time came for the students to begin testing, one student hesitantly mentions that the matching portion of the test gives choices from letter A-L, but the Scantron only has blanks for A-D.  What to do? All tests are complete and copied, and there was no time to correct.  I had to have students fill out half the test on the Scantron and the other half on notebook paper. Better luck next time.

Mary Poppins

*I was dressed up more than usual one day and the students enjoyed commenting on my pretty dress. One student raises his hand and says, “Ms. C, you look like Mary Poppins, and she is so pretty.”

First Aid

*One student asks me if I have a band-aid. I replied, “Yes, come get it.”  Another student chimes in and mentions that he has a first aid kit with him.  He pulls out this huge box from his bag and proceeds to bandage this student.  He offers her band-aids, alcohol, antibiotic ointment and an ace bandage.  How prepared.

Suck or blow

*On the first day of school I am explaining the syllabus to the class.  A student raises his hand and interrupts me to ask “Does this suck or blow?”  He was referring to the return vent which was under his desk.  Before I could answer, the student releases the syllabus and it promptly gets sucked against the vent, where it stayed for 3 days until I remembered it was there.  The student replies, “I guess it sucks.”

Read again?

*A Sophomore student is in the Freshman Literature class and before reading The Odyssey, asks me, “Do I have to read this, I read this last year.”  I responded, “Am I correct that you are repeating this class because you did not pass the first time? Then I think you didn’t get it… and yes you should read this again.”

Ms or Mrs?

*During silent reading one day, a student asked me a question.  “Ms. C, are you a Mrs. or a Miss.?” I replied, “I am not married.” The student then replies, “Good, so you still have a chance.”

The chariot awaits

*While teaching junior high summer school one June, I walked into the office and hear a student talking on the telephone.   One of these fine upstanding students was calling for a ride, or so it seemed.  Upon further inquiry, I find that the student is actually calling a cab.  The student’s father told him that he would not be able to give the student a ride home after class, he is to walk home.  The individual decides that the heat and three block distance is far too much to handle after four hours of intense coursework, he should call a cab to deliver him safely and quickly home. The student alerted the business man that he would be patiently waiting out by the street until his chariot was to arrive.

Raise my grade?

*One student comes to class daily and does nothing.  When I say nothing, I truly mean- nothing.  The student apparently realizes that progress reports are being mailed soon so he comes to me to ask for help.  The student kindly asks “Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?” I calmly ask, “Are you serious? Logan, you have an 8… of course you can raise your grade!”

Help from ISD

*A student skips class two weeks straight and is sentenced to In School Detention (ISD).  The teacher sends the appropriate work to the dungeon and receives a letter from her mailbox that says:  “Don’t know jack crap- come help.”